Getting back together

It's snowing slow but steady outside and it feels like a perfect time to just sit and reflect a bit. Yes, again, I know ;) But so much is happening that it's hard to give it all a place when it's going on, so I really need to sit down for it. And that's something I tend to forget to write down.

The grand trip to Copenhagen, Leipzig and Colditz for Christmas and New Years was grand indeed. We went with the train on a boat! We had a six euro coffee! We practiced so much my face felt like it was falling off. I hardly danced, but hugged, laughed, cried, and much, much more. So much love went around that you couldn't help but feel high on endorfines all the time. Combine that with the stress of last-minute practice and needing to play on stage for real and it becomes a really weird cocktail. It's so much easier to perform one of the more scary things of the past year when you know the room is filled with people that love you no matter what. We're such hippies that way. It went ... decent. One day there might be a performance where I can actually hear myself. It left me a bit weird and deflated but also in a perfect state to enjoy the last day of the festival. New Years Eve was... beautiful.
We went outside to find a place to watch the fireworks from the hill the castle is on. We didn't really know where to go, but after some wandering, we climbed a fence and back up the hill to spend the transition hugging and crying. I think this is how this moment needs to be celebrated. It was perfect.
The way back was hard. It seems the way back to Umeå is always hard, but this time a little bit more so because I was coming down with the worst flu I've had in recent years. That's what you get for not getting a flu shot...

By now we've also done our first weekend in Malung. Bliss, but on an entirely different level. I really love spending time with my body and music for an entire weekend. It was very hard work, but never overwhelming. And I've got a little crush on our teacher. She's just so good! As a teacher, as a dancer, such an inspiration. I can't wait to go back! I've got the feeling I'm finally starting to understand this Scandinavian thing and see a way how I can make it my own.

The hardest part is the in-betweens. I'm very happy I can take the time to get back to myself, because my brain is really not ready to be an adult again yet. I'm constantly struggling between being listless on the couch from not wanting to do anything and a tired crying mess from having done too much. I don't want to see people because they tire me, but I long to be with people because I need the social energy. It's not easy and not fun... I'm spending most days being useful around the house, putting some time again in Den Gröna Fenixen and finally picking up some household chores that really needed to be done. My to do list is not really shrinking though and that's frustrating. I don't have the brainspace to do last minute plans, but I don't have the energy to do long term plans. I hope it'll get better soon before I have knitting so many scarfs that I can dress an entire orphanage! 

Luckily my next grand tour is on my doorstep! Next week I'm leaving for Göteborg (yes, again), Knudepunkt (shit, wasn't I supposed to teach a workshop there?), Copenhagen (again...), Oslo and Karlstad. And when I get home I have something fun planned almost every weekend! Umefolk, Malung, Prolog, the Netherlands, some more larping, so all in all, life is good, as soon as I've rebooted my brain it will be amazing. 


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